Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
