my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
