how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
