Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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