either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize