Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
