Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
