last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
