i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Damn victory sex feels great
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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