Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
