I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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