even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
