I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
is wine microwaveable?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
