New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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