Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
