you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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