If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Life without a bra equals bliss.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
