If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
