I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
