happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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