OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
