I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I believe in your delicious
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
