standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
