my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
