His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
