I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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