I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
