A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
