Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
