i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
