i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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