I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize