Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
