remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
FUCK WHALES
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
