i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
