i already hear my dad disowning me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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