you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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