so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
