What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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