I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
