I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
