..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize