Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
