Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
