His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
