he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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