Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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