Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize