I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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