Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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