im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize