Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
