I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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