gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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