The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
