Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
