tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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