we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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