Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
