Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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