Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
