Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
