He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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