My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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