I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
