He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it was like having sex with a tree stump
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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