it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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