did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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