i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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