u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
