I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
