just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
