I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
