Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
