DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
