I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
