Just cropdusted the office
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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