hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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