if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
