she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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