The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
