some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
