I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
