Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
