Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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