Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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