I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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