i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
