If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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