oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
