grandma shit on top of the toilet
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
