when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
