So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
