So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
