Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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