Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
