Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and she was petting her beer can
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
