i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
