so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you had me at cake vodka
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
