what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
