New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
