if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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