Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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