I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
His nipple licking is glorious
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