member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
