Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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