I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
