and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to align my fucking chakras
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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