I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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